Which Virginity Did You Take?

Virginity seems like something that can only be taken once but let me assure to you that it in fact can be taken multiple times, in various ways. They all teach about how to correctly use a condom, the common STD’s, and to just not do it. It is like the abstinence committee couldn’t be more original than Nike. As most women come to learn, just telling someone not to do something won’t actually stop someone that wants to do it. I had the idea in my mind that if you were in control and not just consenting, but wanting to do it, it will be a good experience. I was determined to not have a bad first-time story and take matters into my own hands.

Ironically this landed me in his hands and let me tell you. I have dainty hands and the tips of my fingers went to only his second knuckle. I don’t know what that means, but the rest of my body does with how I responded. It wasn’t long into that evening that I went to end the conversation before I went to take a shower. “I am off to get cleaned up and take a shower. Talk to you later!” I said.

Instantly he replied, “Can I join you?” and I laughed imagining how impossible it would even be if I did want that.

“Sure” I said, “If you can sneak in without anyone noticing you and go into the master bedroom, without any dogs barking (I have 4 here inside), then sure. You can join lol”.

“But for real, say I could take a shower with you. Would you want to and let me?” he responded without hesitation. My mind was short-circuiting at how fast this harmless ending of a conversation just turned into a real possibility. My response held so much weight, and I could sense it getting heavier every second that passed.

Blushing and thankful I enjoy hot showers to try and steam it away. I somehow find myself responding half out of interest and half out of curiosity of what this will lead to, “well yeah I don’t see why not at that point.” Where does this confidence even come from with me?!

“Alright, cool”, he stated and that was it. I finished one of the hottest and longest showers I have taken. I was overcome with wonder and a face to imagine with how my potential first time would go. Adult me eye rolls at how optimistic and naïve I was to think of this.

The next day when I saw him at school we talked as usual with our friends and it felt like nothing had changed. I wondered if maybe he was actually just joking about the shower thing and I was reading into it wrong. This was proved wrong as I assure you it was on from there. No time was spared and as soon as school was over, he asked me, “so are you coming over? Everyone is gone from my house right now.”

“Yup I just need the address” I flirted back. Unsure if I am flirty or being weird, I just turned and walked away to my car. He caught up to me shortly and said, “You can just drive us both there and I will tell you the directions.” Made sense to me, but my nerves have caught up and finally made me silent. I am sure of what I am going into, but still feel so nervous. Maybe it was excitement, I will call it that.

We go to his place and upstairs into his room. There is a big bean bag and a futon bed, socks and shoes shoved in a corner, with skateboards, posters, and mushroom trip artwork on his walls. Very typical for a junior boy in high school that was in a more artsy-skater crowd. I was ready, but not necessarily was expecting the day to end in his room. My nervousness was hard to control, and my awkward responses let it be known. We were close and we kissed as he pulled me into him with his hands around my waist. He plays with the end of my shirt, as if debating the next step himself, and then motions to lifting it up. I lift it over my head and as I let it go onto the floor he reaches for my jeans. I am excited to the point that thinking is an impossible action for me. He undid the button and zipper and I suddenly realized what I was wearing.

It was the style at the time to wear very tight and colorful skinny jeans. The type that are as much a hassle to take off as they are to put on. I became nervous at the struggle to take them off, so I decided to help. But that only lead me to saying, “skinny jeans aren’t the best choice for this, huh?” finishing with an awkward nervous laugh. I was so embarrassed thinking that maybe this would make it stop. I was dumb to think a boy would want to stop after he finally is seeing the girl in only a bra and panties.

He immediately brought me into his sisters’ room where she had a drawer full of different colored condoms and asked me to choose one. Um, what? I do not have enough blood going to my head right now to even say words, so I just choose the first one I grabbed. Banana flavored yellow, yay? We go back into his room and he motions me to lay down on his bean bag chair. Panties slide down and hang off one ankle as he watches where he touches me, then makes eye contact as he slides one finger in and then the second. It doesn’t take long before it’s obvious how turned on I am from what he does to me. My assumptions with how his hand would feel was on point, but it was this that was his peaking moments.

I spent a longer time taking off my pants and shirt than I did experiencing this, but the adrenaline blurred all sense of time. It was only a few minutes before he was also undressed from just the waist down with the condom on.

“Let’s move to the futon” he said. I followed the lead and all I could think was the repetitive loop of I can’t believe this is really happening. No bad feelings, just in a state of neutral shock. He kisses me and leans over me, looks down, makes a motion upward, readjusts down there, I think he goes in since he shifts his body upwards on top of me again, and then sits up.

“Sorry” he said.

“It’s okay” I responded, confused as hell as to what just happened. Did it happen? I felt him when he fingered me, but I felt nothing from when he was on top. He left and went straight to the bathroom, so I just started to put my clothes back on. The mood changed and I felt I needed to just leave and give him space. I get dressed and say goodbye. Once I get to my car, I look at the time. I was only at his house for 20 minutes total.

There was no pain, no discomfort down there. Did he technically have sex and I just didn’t feel it, or did he not even go in and just finished early? I never expected this type of first-time story. I felt in disbelief about it for a long time. Him and I never brought it up again and just continued our typical just classmates and mutual friendship. Until winter break that is, four months later.

He asked me just before winter break began over text message, “Hey”.

How thrilling of a conversation, I thought to myself, I can only imagine what he is talking to me now for. And of course, it leads to exactly that.

“You want to do that again?” he sent.

“No thanks, I kinda have a crush on someone and am talking to them.” I said. Which was true, but I also just did not want to do it again with him.

To my surprise he responded again, “I’m sorry for how last time went.”

I just ended the idea there. I did not have the heart to tell him what I want clarification on why he is even sorry for. He was a good friend and I know guys have their egos attached between their legs, and he was too nice of a guy to deserve that hit.

There is a thing called beer-goggles, isn’t that the same as sex-goggles? I am starting to think so. If you want it bad enough your perceptions of others will be skewed, just as it is easy to be picky when you really just don’t want to either. This may be a first-time story, and technically a good one compared to most…but it is no where near I believe the taking of my innocent virginity to the wondrous world of sex and orgasms.

That doesn’t happen until great sex is experienced that leaves you high, giddy, and with a huge orgasmic smile on your face. That is when innocence is lost, and lust takes over.