Stumbling to Third Base

Being surrounded by these horrible first-time stories from the girls in high school I felt determined that my first time having sex was not going to be traumatic and it was going to happen on my terms. I will “just know” when I am ready seems to be the consensus from all around me. I can only learn from other people’s stories, television, movies, reality shows, and music without actually doing it myself. No one ever talked to me about it, despite the fact I lived with my mother and two older sisters All this led me to realize that if I wanted it, if I chose the guy and intention was yes from the start, why would it be such a bad thing? Aside from using protection I didn’t see anything wrong with this scenario! That was at least what fifteen-year-old me was thinking when I saw these chiseled abs across the rapids at my annual camping trip. I have been on a year-round competitive swim team for a few years now and let me tell you it brought a whole new level of appreciation for the speedo attire in the sport for those varsity boys. This guy was a turn on just to look at, a one-night stand for a first time while in the woods camping is totally romantic and an empowering woman thing for me to go for, right? One thing is for sure, I know I am ready, but I do not know any of the answers to these.

The idea was thrilling though, and it captured all of my time. After I glanced over and captured the view of this seemingly model of a man for 16 years old, I suddenly became keenly aware of what I was doing when he was in sight. Highly aware of which swimsuit I wore, lounged on the rocks summoning the inner mermaid siren from within when I saw he was at the river, and even went so far to intentionally pretend to accidentally throw the football towards him. Ooops, I guess he has to talk to me know as he throws it back my way. Sly dog me, as I pat myself on the back for successfully breaking the ice. He tosses it back, but next time he passes me was when he decided to return the favor and begin a conversation. Brandon, hello to you too. Inner me is drooling. Somehow, I got my name out instead of touching him when he was that close to me. Only to find out that he also comes yearly to this campground like I do, was a wrestler, and asked me to come hang out at his campground that evening. Yes, yes, yes please.

Giddy little me could not wish for time to pass any faster and get this game of bases started with this hot guy. As I walk up to his site there are two other girls there sitting on their table. No, no, no. What is this I just embarrassingly walked into?! Mortified before I even finish walking up to him, then turned into a frantic fear of them realizing me losing my composure. Play it cool, do not let him see I care, and definitely do not let anything slip in front of these girls. Rejection is one thing, but the vicious acts of women are more fearful when they have easily jealous triggers. Luckily it went smoothly, but still was denied which I expected as soon as I saw the other girls there.

Disappointed and slightly humiliated I went back to my site and sat by the fire wondering how things would have gone if he snuck out and into my tent under the stars here. This was as far as it went with him physically in the end. We exchanged numbers, Myspace accounts, and went on our different ways. That began my sophomore year and introduced me to the adventure of sexting. Brandon and I talked off and on for the school year, and even though we never really made a deep connection with the amount of time we knew each other for, we still planned to meet up the next summer camping trip. I told him when my family planned to go, and he made sure that his family planned for the same weekend I was there.

You would have expected me to be excited beyond extent, how could it not happen now?? It only took a few text’s after we made the plans to make me uncomfortable with this. We have talked about fooling around, but there was never anything more than eager teenagers just talking about touching places they have never explored before. Then I see it pop up on my phone, so I’ll have the handcuffs ready for you in the tent. Hold up, what? Not thank you. Now I am stuck in a plan with a guy during a camping trip that wants to do things to me I was ready for until I was not. No one told me this would happen! That is when I began to ignore him, ghosting before ghosting was even a term.

Months seem to fly by as I forget about this guy that wants to do things to me over summer. The time comes and camping is a week away. It is in early August, only a few weeks before my 16th birthday. Text message appears from Brandon, and he is stoked to meet up. I couldn’t roll my eyes any harder. I was relieved the day we arrived was a few days before Brandon showed up. I was able to enjoy the relaxing aspects of nature without a horny teenage boy after me, that I have led on for a year but changed my mind and planned to do nothing. I was definitely ready to do something with someone though. It was about a month before camping that I asked my mom to go on the pill. I didn’t want Brandon; I wanted a nice good-looking guy my age to just fool around with. I never knew what it felt like, all I knew was I wanted it BAD.

I walk from the river to my campsite hoping Brandon’s family decided to cancel their trip when these two guys and their dog snap me out of my thoughts. Who was he? Is he my age? Is he even interested in me after this glance? I am not sure, but I needed to get back to the river before he left. I get my friend and use an old reliable trick, let’s throw the football around in the river and make a fool of ourselves. In my mind this will bring his attention towards me and he will see I’m in shape and cool because I can throw a pretty decent spiral across the river. The whole thing with this sexual enticing exploration of teenage hormones is so controlled by instincts that relate to wild animals, its entertaining from an outside perspective. I am literally searching for a mate at my type of watering hole.

To my surprise, it was him that approached me and broke the ice. He raised his hands and asked me to throw the ball towards him. From then, I was hooked. His name was Donnie and he was everything I knew nothing about and could not wait to learn about. The flirting back and forth just felt so natural and comfortable. This was right, Brandon was so wrong. When he finally arrived on the weekend, he saw me with Donnie and was pissed. Brandon tried to ask me to sneak beer from my family and sneak into the tent where he had the handcuffs…um no thank you. I told him then and there that if he isn’t y friend than he isn’t anything to me. What confidence it brings to be flirting with another guy while turning down one! The tension was palpable whenever eye contact was made for the rest of the weekend while Brandon was there, and I could not have had a bigger smile on my face turning him down. There was something that felt powerful about it. I felt like I was a strong woman going into my own deflowering and was proud of it. There was no pressuring, just fun.

That night we played a game called Sardines. It is like hide-n-seek, but opposite. One person hides and everyone tries to find them, and when you do, you hide with them. The last person to find the group, the last sardine, loses. This game is played at night and no flashlights are allowed, and also is played in pairs so no one gets lost. Donnie was my partner, and more than my heart was happy about this. It became our turn to go and hide, finally alone together.

We decided to lay in the bed of his truck looking up at the stars. We saw two shooting stars cross the sky as we cuddled close for warmth. We then heard someone calling out and Donnie hopped out to go see what was going on. He told me to stay there and he would be back for me. Why did him telling me what to do turn me on even more? Before I started to wonder where he went, I spotted him walking back to me. I place my arms on the edge of his truck bed and rest my chin to be eye level with him standing out of the truck. He put his forehead to mine. He was so close to me.

He explained everyone quit the game and went back to their tents, then asked me, “What did you wish for?”

Glad that it’s dark and he can’t see me blush, “I can’t tell you because I want it to be true” I said. Then he kissed me! As smoothly as he slipped his lips across mine and then parted them, I managed to ask him, “Was that one of your wishes? Because you just made my first wish come true”.

“Yes” he whispered as he leaned in for another kiss, “and this was my second”.

Melted. That was the only way I could explain how I felt in that moment. Donnie then asked me if I wanted to go down to the river with his brother. I went back to camp to go let someone know, but everyone was going to bed. I was tired as well and just felt like I didn’t need to push my luck. I was satisfied with the kiss; I could sleep tonight. When I returned to let him know that I had to head to bed since everyone was headed to bed at my camp, he was busy talking to his friends’ mother. His friend he was there with asked me if I liked Donnie since he was talking a lot about me. I had to admit, “yea I think I do”.

Donnie then walked me towards my campsite and stopped just before the bushes revealed us. As he stopped, I turned, and without thinking I lean up and kiss him. To this point I have still never made out with someone, at least no tongue. That’s a thing, right? Can’t call it making out until that happens? Why is there no clarification on this?! But then Donnie wraps his arms around my waist, “Is that all I get for a goodnight kiss?”, he asks. And then it happens. The barrier is broken, lips part, and I feel his tongue cross his lips and then cross mine. No clue what I am doing here, so I just lean in and try to imitate what it is he is doing. Seemed to work since once we stopped, I asked, “Is that better?” You can just hear how devious my voice sounded and it surprised me hearing myself. Where did this confident person come from? I have no idea what I am doing! We part ways for the night, and I walk back to my tent wondering if I will part my lips with him again.

The next night came and went without any contact. I was confused, but it seemed he just went somewhere for the day since his tent was still there. The next day was my last night camping. If something was to happen, I knew tonight was the only possible night. We paired up again thinking of playing sardines again, but no one else was willing to play. That was not going to stop me from staying next to Donnie. We walked to the river and as our friends left, I explained I was fine staying here for a little longer with him. There were some lingering looks, but we finally were left alone. To make sure we were fully alone we decided to move downstream to a more secluded trail as the evening came. How ironic we walked to a boulder in the river called bone rock. It received its name is for the shape being like a dog bone, but I wonder if there is more behind that name now.

We found a spot to lay down on the side of the rock that had about a four-inch spot for our feet to hold us up from falling in the river. If it wasn’t exciting enough to be so close to another body, it was exhilarating being naughty while being risky. If one of our feet slipped, we were sure to fall into the water. We kissed, made out, and my body feels his hands learn my every curve. He asks me then, “How far have you gone again?”

“I have only made out with someone”, unsure if my answer was a good thing to hear or was something that would make him stop. Last thing I wanted was for him to stop and he was on the same page. We went fast after that. Making out, exploring hands over clothes, and then under. It wasn’t long until he switched from eager hands to an eager tongue, and then it happened. His fingers slipped in me slowly one, and then two. In and out, and then they wiggled! I was in awe, in pain, but also in ecstasy of pure excitement. My body started moving on its own and I couldn’t tell if the moans that escaped my lips were from pleasure or pain, but either way it was good. So good, until he stopped. Um what?

“You take control now” he said smiling, “I can tell you liked that”.

Well at least he knew I liked it; I was still confused. It hurt, felt good, felt right, but hurt. And take control? Control of what? How was it not obvious that I did not know a clue about what I was doing?? I haven’t even seen a naked guy in person before, let alone touch one. I did not even think that this was going to happen! I am about to hit all the fooling around bases in one night, what the fuck. Is this okay? Am I supposed to be a girl that takes it slow? Nothing about this feels wrong, but why do I feel like if I told anyone they would think of this as wrong? Oh well, I grab onto him as we carefully switch positions on the side of the rock. Shit!

A foot slips as I grab onto his already half naked body, and he pulls me back up, but keeps me at a lower level than him. Okay, alright, here it is. Finally, up-close and personal, and its so…smooth. Completely forgetting about the close encounter with midnight skinny dipping I just had. Not at all what I was expecting as my first thing to notice. It wasn’t huge, but it didn’t seem small to me either. I knew at least that one thing guy’s paid attention to be a girl’s opinion of their size. Easy to make a good impression when you have nothing to compare to. When I was down there, all I wondered was is this what I am supposed to do with it? How long does this last for? He on the other hand asked about three times throughout the evening how far I wanted to go. I told him just not all the way. I didn’t need to go from making out to fucking within one night. Everything felt good, but we didn’t have a condom. I was on the pill, but I didn’t trust it at all. I never knew I could think so much during all of this, but somehow all the brain power wasn’t between my legs this time. The kitty has finished purring and was ready for bed! Does going down on a guy always feel like it takes forever??

That is when I think he accepted that sex wasn’t going to happen and he became more invested in what I was doing as his head rolled back, and I sucked a human version of a popsicle wondering if my teeth are noticeable to him. Must not have been because it was shortly after that I felt my mouth fill up with warmth, and I almost puked from how fast it hit the back of my throat, and I swallowed before even realizing what it was that just happened. I think he commented on me swallowing, which gave me a sense that I was cool because I did that. I just told myself if you gag it just means you’re trying! Man, the guys I was with after this with this mentality were undeservingly lucky.

The next morning, I was sore. It felt like my insides were scratched and I lightly spotted, but I assumed my period was starting. Took me years to realize that you can pop your cherry without having sex, and that is what happened to me that night. Does this count as losing my virginity even though it was just fingers? Oh, and magical fingers they were. I never thought to move two fingers as if they were mimicking a person walking…inside of me...right on the g-spot. I was certain talking to Donnie instead of Brandon was the reason for such a fun and spontaneous introduction to the world of carnal playtime with someone else.

It was late morning when I was all packed and about to leave. I go and find Donnie to say my goodbyes to him and everything was so different. He couldn’t hold eye contact with me, wouldn’t really respond for a conversation to happen, and I felt an overwhelming amount of distance from him. Did he forget what we did last night? Nope, that is it. It is the fact he had last night that he is like this. Of course, only the chase is what he cared about. Good thing I felt the same way, so it was easy to bow off him being rude in our farewells. Thinking after the fact, I would not have regretted going all the way. Hell, I wish I did at this point after how disappointing my actual first time went after this camping experience.

Either way, I left camping that year a whole new woman as cliché as it sounds. I just had such a huge sense of pride and could not wait to share the story of how I accomplished being a girl that didn’t have a traumatizing, pressured, or uncomfortable experience going so far with someone. Best camping trip EVER.

~Your Darling's Diary~

Sabrina Marie C.